Centered Self Trauma Therapy offers online therapy to adults in California, Florida, South Carolina, and Virginia, who are navigating or healing from relationships with Emotionally Immature Parents (EIP).
In my work with clients, I've noticed that many are adult children of Emotionally Immature Parents (EIP). This means you may have grown up with one or both parents who struggled to provide the love, support, and understanding you needed because they were often focused on themselves, seeking validation, or dealing with their own insecurities. As a result, you might feel underdeveloped in various ways.
I’ve always had to take care of my mom/dad’s feelings. I never get to truly be myself because I always have to think of them first.
I’ve tried telling my mom/dad how I feel. They just turn it around on me and play the victim. They just throw a big guilt trip onto me. I give up.
I learned early on that the only way I get attention is to be perfect. I got straight A’s, joined all the clubs, got into a great college and yet I still feel like I’m not enough. What’s wrong with me?
If you want something done you’ve got to do it yourself. I can’t count on anyone to show up so it’s just easier to do it myself.
I never tell people how I really feel. No way. That’s too dangerous. I’d rather deal with it myself than get shamed, gas lit or rejected. It’s just easier to play along.
My mom and dad made sure I had everything. They made sure I had nice things and access to any activities I wanted so why do I not like myself? Why do I always feel anxious like the other shoe is going to drop.
I do everything for everybody. If you need anything I’m right there. And yet nobody does that for me.
I hate being alone, so I’m always busy doing something. I get anxious if I don’t have plans with other people or involved with something. Down time? What’s that?
You may have overcompensated by becoming an overachiever or, conversely, a rebel. You might have developed strong independent parts to meet your own needs. Maybe parts of you figured out that by taking care of others, you could find connection, but ironically, you still feel unconnected. We can explore how your parents showed up in your life and the beliefs you formed to cope.
While many parents do meet these practical needs, the question remains: were they emotionally present? Did they discuss your feelings about not making the varsity team, getting into the college you wanted, or being asked to a dance? Did they shame you for setbacks or compare you to your friends? These experiences can leave you feeling lost or alone, even among friends.
EIP isn't just about emotionally immature parents; it also includes emotionally immature people we encounter—like coworkers, bosses, or family members—who can be challenging to deal with. They often deflect blame, avoid personal responsibility, and may shame or judge others, making it hard to connect with them.
You're definitely not alone in this struggle! Once you recognize the signs and traits of emotionally immature people, you can start to detach from their agendas.
Some might say, "But my parents took care of me — they made sure I went to the dentist, got good grades, and attended basketball practice."
Together, we’ll explore how to set personal boundaries while staying true to yourself. We'll also develop strategies to help you remain calm during difficult conversations and process any beliefs or insecurities that may linger from your experiences with emotionally immature individuals.
